Day 6 Journal:
I woke up feeling calm today
with a sense of peace in my heart. I believe that over time, the ranch may
settle my heart. Being alone with my thoughts is definitely something good for
me.
I ate breakfast, helped
the caregiver sisters with the dishes and set off for a run. 6000feet (4500 higher
than I am used to) and I am not quite adapted to the elevation. I was short of
breath and got dehydrated quickly. So I went about 2 miles. I found some river
rocks to complete my triceps, squats, lateral raises and did abs back home. I
need to venture up to the lake later and see about rowing for upper back. I
think rocks will work for biceps tomorrow, chest I can get with pushups and I
can stay fit while I am here. When my lungs adapt to the elevation I think it
will be a lot easier. Swim, row, run… triceps, biceps, chest, back and
shoulders. Since the workouts are less intense (with less weight because of the
rocks) I may exercise every day. At least, walk and hike.
I also have bungee cords
from my trip which I can use for some resistance training if I need to change
up my workout. I am feeling good about it. One thing though, I am having a lot
of carbs pushed on me in the form of candy, bread, pie etc. So I need to resist
as much of that as I can… or step up my workouts afterwards. I think cardio
twice a day might be more conducive to what I am trying to accomplish.
I got over some writers
block last night and continue on with my story. Only about 1000 words written,
but I think that if I step it up while I am here, by September I can have the
trilogy done. I need to center and stay focused as to why I am here. I am here
to train, to grow and to become whole. This is not a vacation. So I am putting
myself to work… spraying weeds, helping move furniture and maybe do some ranching
work down the road.
Listening to my grandfather
talk today is sad… he is preparing for his death. Making changes to this will
this morning, thinking of his children and the ranch that he will leave behind. Money to the ranch… I don’t know how long that will keep it running, but I
wonder how many more summers I will be in this place. The girl I love never got back
to me yesterday and I wonder if she is trying to put me out of her mind… or
what? I don’t know. What I do know is that beside her bed she has a picture of
the house I am staying in… so she knows where I am at. She does love me, so I
should not worry. I just miss her, a lot. It’s strange, when you become
accustomed to someone to talk to, not having them there is very hard.
I am going to miss my grandfather.
Later in the day I am up in
my room writing, and the girl calls me on video chat to check in. As beautiful
as ever… but kind of distant too, not like the first few nights she called me.
We talked about my writing and her birthday. I don’t expect her to show up here
at the ranch… but I really wish that she would. Its not the same without her
here. Nothing is.
While writing, I hear my
grandmother talking outside the window to my grandfather, discussing his will
and the grandkids. I heard my name a few times… and how Grandpa has given tens
of thousands of dollars into the education of the other grandchildren.
I shouldn’t be upset about
it; they earned their money and can do what they want with it. But a part of me
feels a little let down. Why wasn’t I worth it to them? I don’t like this
feeling much.
Tonight my father arrived in
the RV. My step-mother put on her princess show as usual, ordering Dad to unload the RV.
Dad actually apologized to me for not being a good father, he said he was not
strict enough and should have done better. That was a surprise. My step mother was
obviously annoyed and acting mean to Dad. She didn’t bring in his tooth brush
after he brought in a bunch of her stuff.
Dad and I talked a lot about
my quest, and the ride to the ranch. He was impressed with me, and amazed. He
admitted that no one else he knows has the guts to do what I did. It made me
feel good. He also made several suggestions on what I should do next… one was,
live at the ranch for the next six months through the winter and write, get the
solitude I want. Other parts were to go and develop housing in one of the many
boom towns in the area… make a fortune. Or work there and make good money too.
All of it seemed interesting… I don’t know what I’ll do. I am in a great
position to stay… to just live here at the ranch. I don’t know what I have to
go back to…
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